We’re Skating!

Daughter is one of those cautious types who doesn’t take readily to new ideas. This has been particularly true with sports. Over the years she has repeatedly insisted, quite emphatically at times, that she has no interest in swimming, skiing, or skating.

We conquered the skiing issue last winter when she discovered the thrill of tubing and then begrudgingly agreed to a one-day ski lesson with her friends. And although despite doing very well she ended that day declaring that it was “boring” and she didn’t want to do it “ever again”, this year she has turned around and decided that it will be fun to go skiing again.

Last winter I took the kids up to the top of a local mountain for a Christmas-themed adventure and one of the activities offered was skating on a little outdoor rink. It was just me with two kids who had never set foot on skates and I couldn’t keep them both supported enough for them to feel comfortable. After about 10 minutes they started crying and we returned our skates. It didn’t leave a good impression on either of them; fortunately Son was only 3 and doesn’t seem to remember his experience anymore. He has been enthusiastic enough about skating this year to have received a set of Bob Skates for Christmas.

Up until today, Daughter has insisted that she did not want to skate and would bring some books to read on the sidelines while we all headed out onto the ice. But this morning when I informed her that we’d be skating, I didn’t even get to that part before she said with a sigh and rolling eyes “Okay, I’ll skate”.

Well she had a blast! The kids each had one of those carts and after five minutes of me pushing her around she told me she didn’t need my help anymore. Within half an hour she was blasting all over the place. Sure, her technique was a bit more “walking on ice” rather than skating, but she was able to steer and stop fairly well, and was really enjoying travelling at high speeds, even trying a few “no hands” moments. 

My boy did very well, too, though he only lasted about 30 minutes before he got too tired. Still, he’s eager to do it again and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be confident enough to switch to single blade skates and start taking lessons. 

I myself had a fabulous time – I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this type of thing, the family all together doing something that everybody likes to do. But seeing my little girl racing around with a big smile on her face, glowing cheeks, and proclaiming that when she grew up she wanted to be a skater…well that was priceless. 

And I have to give myself a big ol’ pat on the back here too – people (and by that I mean mostly well-meaning relatives) kept trying to tell me that I should put her in skating/skiing/swimming whether she said she wanted to or not. In fact they seemed to think it very strange that I was actually taking her opinion into consideration at all. A few suggested that she would “never” try these things if I didn’t push her. But I was confident that she would come around, and that pushing the issue would not only inhibit that process, but compromise her trust in me and create a great deal of unnecessary conflict. Seeing her out there enjoying herself today and hearing her asking when we can go again was the best form of validation!

A Lovely Winter

We don’t usually get much snow where I live, and when we do it rarely ever coincides with Christmas. But this year we’ve been blessed with an “arctic outflow” that has blanketed the city in several inches of snow and transformed the landscape. 

I’ve been spending most of my time at home, puttering around preparing for Christmas by baking and putting together gift baskets. The kids have managed not to drive each other (or the adults) too crazy despite being indoors most of the time. Though I will say that each day after breakfast they have put on their snow clothes and headed out into the yard to play for a while. And though our car has handled beautifully in the snow, and I have gone out a few times to run errands, I’ve spent a few days this week not leaving the  house too. And I’ve quite enjoyed it. 

Yesterday we went out as a family and walked up to the playground around the corner. It was a beautiful scene, not too cold, and mostly it was just lovely to be together as a family enjoying an impromptu snowball fight! 

And Daughter discovered that despite its slippery reputation, sliding down a snow-covered slide doesn’t work very well!

I’ve been enjoying looking outside my windows at the magical trees and thinking how nice it has been to just lay low and enjoy the season. I keep thinking how amazing this will all be when I’m looking out my very own window at our very own view, maybe something like this:

Hey, why not dream big?

Accepting them for who they are

Yesterday we had friends over, a family with three homeschooled kids with whom we all get along very well. At one point in the evening Daughter, who was starting to get a bit overwhelmed, started screaming and crying and basically having a bit of a meltdown because her friend was insisting on calling her chameleon a dinosaur. I confess I wasn’t the most sympathetic; I basically said “it doesn’t matter what he calls it” and “why can’t he just pretend?” and went back to the living room to sit with the adults.

My friend (the mother) then said that it was common with gifted children that they see the world very much in black and white, and that they have a really hard time with people not being “factual”. 

I don’t know about “gifted” and I’m not very comfortable with labels, but my friend’s eldest son is very much like my girl in terms of their interests and the way their minds work. They love to classify and categorize, have an excellent memory for words and facts, are science-oriented, and academically precocious. My friend said her son struggled with the same thing and now, at age 9, is only just getting to the point where he can accept that others may use their imaginations in different ways.

Daughter is definitely not your average 6 year old (though honestly, I don’t think such a creature exists anyways) and it is easy to forget the special qualities of your child when you live with them every day. I thought about what my friend said and realized how pathetic my response to Daughter was – basically “get over it”. I could have at least expressed some empathy and understanding. I could have validated what she was feeling: “I know it’s really hard for you when people aren’t factual”, perhaps following it up with an explanation: “Some people have big imaginations and they like to pretend things are something else than what they seem to be”. 

This is one of those little experiences that make me really appreciate that our children are whole beings. We can’t pick and choose which parts of them “make sense” to us and which seem like an indulgence of frivolity. As someone who finds it extremely frustrating when playing a board game where rules are bent or broken by others, you’d think I’d have a bit more sympathy! 

So this post is a little reminder to embrace our children as whole beings with many different, unique, and wonderful aspects to their personality. My daughter really is an amazing little person, and I am going to work harder at seeing that, at validating her world view and what is important to her (while of course, at the same time, helping her see how that affects her interactions with others and encouraging her to find ways to work together while still being true to herself).

A period of equilibrium?

I once read that children cycle through periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium, on approximately six month cycles. Lately I have been very much feeling as though I’m in a period of equilibrium with Daughter. 

She is almost six and a half now, and has become very “portable”. By that I mean that I can take her with me just about anywhere that I want/need to go for my own reasons and I don’t feel like my level of enjoyment/productivity is being compromised by her presence.

This past Saturday I went to an evening party. I was dressing up and Daughter commented on how nice I looked, and I spontaneously invited her to come. There were children there, but I knew it was not a good environment for Son given that the hostess does not have children (not a kid-friendly place for rough and tumble young boys) and there would be babies and older nurslings around. My job was to assist the hostess which is why I didn’t bring the kids. But I ended up bringing Daughter and she was fabulous. I didn’t have to attend to social interactions gone awry, caution her not to touch breakables or make a mess, or any other parental duty that generally comes along with taking young children into adult-oriented environments. 

I have taken her to sit-down restaurants and enjoyed a nice meal. I have taken her to the library and enjoyed being able to go to the adult section and have time to pick out my own books. I have enjoyed taking her to the store and not worrying that, if she comes down from the cart, her energy will be more than I want to deal with while shopping. 

Don’t get me wrong – all those duties are part of being a mother and I embrace them, even though they can be physically exhausting, and even though it can mean my needs have to be put off for a while. I’m just really enjoying the fact that, with my daughter, we seem to have made it through those times and are now enjoying a new kind of interaction. It’s not the physical effort of chasing and monitoring a young child. It’s much more like having company along for the ride.

We have neat conversations about things, she has been unusually compliant lately – not in an “obedient” way, but in a pleasant and joyful way. I’m finding her cooperative and respectful. Interesting when not too long ago I had an argument with my mother about how well-behaved my children are (in her opinion: not so much). Then we arranged for my mother to spend an afternoon alone with Daughter and the report was that all went well. She stood corrected. 

I’m writing this because it is easy to put words to page when things are troubling and difficult. I wanted to make a point of commenting on this, and truth be told it has been present in mind most every day lately as I interact with Daughter. She has blossomed in the last little while into a young lady whose company I enjoy and who is very pleasant to be around. Now, instead of shepherding my child, I am inviting her to participate with me in an experience. It’s a different sort of interaction and I’m just really enjoying it.