We do it for the Lifestyle

I went to get a haircut the other day. It was one of those rare occasions when Husband was home on a weekday so I ran to the nearest “quick cuts” type place to get a trim. The lady cutting my hair began chatting me up and when she heard my kids were homeschooled she asked, in a puzzled voice, why we decided to do that.

This question always stumps me because there are so many reasons why we homeschool. I never knew where to start: if I criticize the school system I risk offending the person if they have kids in school, if I talk about wanting to be a larger influence in my kids’ lives or just wanting to not waste the precious few years I have with them I risk offending working parents. If I talk about Natural Learning I will inevitably end up in that tired old discussion that starts out with “well what about Math?”. But this time, in a rare moment of inspiration that arrived when I actually needed it and not an hour later, I answered with “it’s a great lifestyle”.

Because really, without going into a debate about government-run institutions deciding what our children should know (and, by inference, not know), about the abnormal social dynamics of peer-segregated environments with very low adult:child rations, about the commercialization of childhood and how schools (and TV, mind you) foster it…the simplest answer is that I love this lifestyle.

I love that we don’t have morning rushes. We get up when our bodies tell us we’ve had enough sleep (unless we have an early appointment, which is not often). We eat a wholesome, home-cooked breakfast when we are hungry and not in anticipation of when we may next be allowed to eat. We often plan our days based on the weather, taking advantage of a sunny day to drop everything and go to the park or the beach, or deciding upon waking to a rainy, dreary day to stay home and bake cookies and do crafts. I love that the kids spontaneously invent fun things to do at home, and are able to pick something up the moment inspiration hits them.

I love that we spend so much time together as a family, and that the people we associate with come in families, too. I love that they have friends of different ages and that they see adults as just another person to talk to rather than a group of authority figures that warrant suspicion. I love that we can go places when others are in school or at work and have the place to ourselves. I love that weekends are quiet family time with very few planned outings – for most other families these are the hectic two days when one tries to fit in everything that can’t be done during the week while trying to connect with kids they have barely seen for the last five days.

I love that my kids take charge of their learning, are curious, and do not hesitate to seek out information on whatever topic happens to interest them. I love that taking my kids to an activity means connecting with other parents that “get” me and our lifestyle. I love how individual homeschooled kids are, how little they care for being like everybody else, and how tolerant they are of differences.

It’s a relief to be able to sum up that question in one simple concept. And doing so made me realize all over again just how much I love homeschooling, and how incredibly fortunate I feel to be able to do it.

Unschooling Autism

One of the things I love about blogging (writing) is that often a question that has been floating around in my mind gets answered in the process of putting my thoughts into text. Today’s post is a perfect example of this: I began writing this post thinking I needed some answers, but ended up discovering that I was answering my own questions with what I wrote.

Since realizing that my kids are “on the spectrum” I’ve begun to think about unschooling and how that may apply to kids like mine as they get older and move beyond play-based learning to learning in a more applied fashion. The fundamental premise of unschooling is that children are hard-wired to be curious about their world, to seek out information, to acquire the skills they will need to function in their society as adults. When not coerced, when given the freedom to follow their instincts, Natural Learning ensures that children will learn what they need to know, when they need to know it. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed unschooling my kids, and the years so far have been, in my opinion, a success. My kids can both read and write. They can do basic math and have are interested in a variety of topics related to science and history, for example. Importantly, they ask lots of questions, initiate interesting conversations about things in their world, are curious and have a desire to understand those things that draw their attention.

These are good starts, to be sure, but they are getting older and, knowing that they are dealing with certain issues that neurotypical kids are not, I began to wonder for how much longer unschooling would serve them. With Daughter, I worried that her anxiety and rigid thinking would limit her experiences and exposure to things that could broaden her horizons. Would it be time to start gently insisting on tackling new subjects? With Son, I worried that his narrow focus on things computer and video game related would give him an unbalanced scope of knowledge and skills. Would it be time to put limits on his exploration of those subjects?

I began to write a list of what they are into these days, and was somewhat surprised to see that it wasn’t as limited as I’d thought. They aren’t the selection of things that other kids their age may necessarily be doing, but there is definitely a diversity there. I also realized that I’d fallen victim to the ingrained way of thinking that all of us raised in a school culture are subject to, in comparing the subjects that my kids learn about to their peers in school. The truth is, learning can happen at any age and there is no inherent value in being forced to learn about, say, social studies at a certain grade level when the topic might be explored eagerly at a later age when the interest sparks from within.

I believe that what’s most important for children is to continue to expose them to a variety of topics, but to let them choose what is relevant and meaningful for them at any given time in their life. There is no better way to master any topic than to have it ignite a fire in you, and to have the confidence to pursue that knowledge. My kids have that confidence – they are not afraid of doing their own research, seeking out books and videos and other sources of information to satisfy their intrinsic curiosity. Unschooling is about trusting kids to learn what they need to know, what is relevant for them at that time in their life, and to trust that there are many things out there to learn and that learning takes a lifetime. What’s important is not what selection of facts they know, but that they are curious enough to desire information, have the skills to seek out that information (either on their own or by asking for assistance) and have access to resources to find that information. Being autistic simply means that sometimes they are going to need assistance where another child might not. Daughter may need help overcoming anxiety in order to further explore a topic she finds interesting. Son might need an aid to assist him when working in group settings, or a special class that is designed for kids like him. None of this precludes unschooling.

When I pondered all this I was reminded that one of the best things about unschooling is that, by definition, the individual is the standard. There is no expectation that kids of a certain age are going to know the same things, be skilled to the same extent in the same subjects, or even be interested in the same subjects. When I first began to understand that Son might have some developmental issues, unschooling was the salve that soothed my worries. When I worried that he might fall “behind” in his learning, I then asked myself “behind compared to whom?”. Wherever Son is, that is where he is supposed to be and reminding myself of that was a wonderful relief. His job is to reach his full potential, not some agency’s idea of his potential based on some mythical “average” child of his age and ability.

 

Unscooling parents have an important job to do, and that often gets overlooked in discussions about unschooling. We are facilitators and that requires us to be observant. In our homeschool program, as part of our funding requirements, we submit weekly reports entitled “Observing for Learning”. It’s an exercise of sorts for parents. It’s easy for a busy mum to use that precious time when the kids are playing quietly (or not so quietly) without you to focus on household tasks. But I have trained myself over the years to pay attention – not in the “make sure nobody gets hurt or nothing gets destroyed” sense that is part and parcel of the job of motherhood, but rather listening to what they are saying and take a closer look at what they are doing. Then ask them about it. There are many benefits to engaging in this practice, one of which is being able to facilitate learning further. You notice your child is showing an interest in ladybugs and so you go find a book or a toy or a movie that your kid might not know about. Or you organize a science experiment, or facilitate a biology project. Or, if you notice that your child is struggling, you find resources to help them. That is where I leave off today. I’ve seen where my kids are struggling, I’m beginning to understand what they need to continue to grow in their learning, but it’s not about restricting them or taking over control of their learning. It’s about finding support for them so they can continue on their own, unique learning paths.