I talked earlier about visualizing my future. I was drawing blanks when it came to DH and the job situation. Well, recently a vision has been forming in my mind, and it feels like one of those where I’m not just fabricating it myself, but rather I’m helping to create something (either that or I really do have some psychic abilities, lol).
Over the last few months that DH has been intensively job-hunting, we’ve had job leads from a variety of places around North America. And, as I mentioned, as far away as Dubai. I’ve been having trouble visualizing us moving again, but I chalked it up to the fact that I don’t want to move. I want to stay where we are, but the opportunities here seemed so few and far between that it didn’t seem realistic. Even recently, with some strong leads DH got from Boston (we lived there for a while) I was having a hard time seeing us moving back there.
Well, this week DH found a recruiter right here in our city. He is a connection to all the jobs and companies here that relate to DH’s profession, something that DH is lacking since for most of his career he’s been elsewhere. He and DH seemed to hit it off well when he called (the very next morning after DH sent him his resume) and then they met in person yesterday. It was all very positive and ever since this guy called I’ve been feeling incredibly positive myself and upbeat and happy. More so than any other local job leads we’ve had. I suppose part of it is that, even if the job this guy has in mind for DH doesn’t work out, he can surely find him local work (and in fact told DH as much when they met yesterday). I was also thrilled to find out that the salaries here are, in fact, competitive with those elsewhere. This is really important as it will allow us to get back on our feet, financially, very quickly. And it will give me the opportunity to start my business without the pressure of having to provide an income right away.
But even before I found out about the salary thing, ever since this guy contacted DH a couple days ago I’ve been having strong feelings of optimism and visions of our future started coming together. It’s different than other local leads – even when DH interviewed with a local company I was feeling more relieved than optimistic; a feeling I chalked up to DH just not really liking the place. But now I’m thinking it was because it just wasn’t going to happen.
My current vision started when I saw our local news’ Travel Report and the “location of the day” was at our local ski resort. I spent many winters up there as a child, since my brother’s friend’s family owned a condo there. It’s a magical “winter wonderland” kind of place, not to mention the skiing is World Class. It has also, over the years, become a very expensive place to play. On the travel feature, they spoke of the local cushy hotel as being voted “best for families”, and there were images of attractive families, kids with their gear and ski helmets, etc. And I began to wonder if one day we would be able to do that. To take the kids up there for the weekend, stay at a decent hotel instead of slumming it like I did as a young adult (after my brother and his friend lost touch). I wondered if I would be able to give my kids those experiences – skiing as a family, swimming or hot-tubbing at the hotel, dining at local restaurants, etc. For me, the news feature highlighted a lifestyle that I really want for us as a family one day, and while I was pondering all this I slowly developed this feeling that it would happen for us. A vision of a lifestyle, of our life, began to form…
And from there things just unfolded. I’m seeing our children at the school I really, really want them to go to: Windsor House School. It’s a “parent-participation, democratic, academically non-coercive school” with mixed-age classes. We are incredibly fortunate to have it here, in our home city. AND, it’s a public school to boot (no fees). This is a brief excerpt from their website:
“Students may ask for classes and activities, and efforts are made to provide what the students have requested. Staff and parents also offer classes and activities that they enjoy doing themselves. Students are not made to go to classes, nor are they stigmatized for non-attendance. The main focus of the school is for people to run their own lives and be engaged in undertakings of their own choice.”
I see myself teaching at my Alma Mater. Our department is in transition, and with a lot of the current faculty retiring (people who have single-handedly kept the undergraduate program running) I see a big transitional stage approaching. I’d like to be involved in that.
I see myself running my consulting business, and making a success out of it. My own hours, good money, and plenty of time to be there for my kids.
I see myself completing the La Leche League Leadership certification course, and volunteering that way. Giving back to the community by supporting local mothers in their efforts to breastfeed their children. I’ve become so close to my local chapter (I’m currently the treasurer) and I want to stay involved here.
Now, all of this may just sound like dreaming. Not to dismiss that, because having dreams and goals is laudable and beneficial. But it is more than that for me. It’s hard to explain – these aren’t just dreams, they are images and visions I have of the future. I’m writing all this down now to see just how close I get to this one day. Because I’m still intrigued by this idea that instead of actively creating this future by visualizing it, I’m instead seeing into the future a bit. Which isn’t to get all hokey on y’all. I am, after all, a scientist. But I do think that time is not the linear phenomenon we experience it as, and as such there is no real reason why future events should not be detectable at other times. I’m also pretty much a determinist. I believe that, given enough information, we can predict the future – I don’t believe much in True randomness, only the illusion of randomness. I think certain people have a sense about things and can thus see more clearly what is about to happen, much the way a trained scientist can predict an earthquake with better accuracy than a layperson can while both looking at the same seismograph. So while I don’t believe in psychics per se, I do believe that some people have a clearer vision of things and thus a better ability to predict what is going to happen given a current set of data. I’ve never, ever considered myself having that sort of ability, but now I’m wondering in a bemused sort of fashion (I don’t really take this all too seriously, despite my blogging about it) if maybe I shortchanged myself in that assessment.
But I digress…I suppose the whole point of this post is simply to say that I am really happy these days. I’m feeling super confident about our future, and that is allowing me to look at this current time of our lives not as the “crisis” or the “big mistake” that it appeared to be a few months ago, but rather as a wonderful and unique time of our lives when we are making sacrifices fso that we can be with our children as much as possible. Our relationship with them is priceless, and the timing is great since this isn’t really a time of life when one wants to be buying nice, new furniture (most recent example: DS grinding his banana into the sofa, lol) or is one really able to travel to exotic destinations (kids too young to ski, and a child who is crawling doesn’t do so well in 3 feet of snow!). So of all the times to be “lean” this is really it.
Okay, I suppose I need to end this here. So much for brief posts. 🙂