Another day has passed with no word from the local company or the recruiter. DH is reluctant to call, which is driving me insane, but there’s nothing I can do. That’s the worst part of all this – I can’t be the least bit proactive, I have to sit back and wait for strangers to decide our future.
DH seems to be of the mind now that the local company just isn’t going to get it together on time. He seems already looking ahead to a move. And it was just a few days ago that I felt I was at peace with such a move, only to realize today that I’m not. I’m terribly, terribly unhappy at the thought of leaving here. And today it seemed as if the possibility of staying was slipping away.
As if to make me feel even worse, the weather today was beautiful. This morning we walked the 6 blocks from our apartment downtown to the beautiful beach of English Bay. This is the sight that greeted us. Except the tide was in more. The water was still as glass. On a sign posted a few metres out from the shore, sat a bald eagle. A harbour seal swam by while my kids walked along the sandy shore looking for shells. The mountains in the background completed the picture. And we were right downtown. This is truly a beautiful city, and my heart is aching that we have to leave.
Of course, Boston is beautiful too. I love Boston. But my family is here. My children know their grandparents, and see them regularly. So we have help with the kids. And then there’s my company, the company that may not ever be….not to mention DD is just starting to come out of her shell at school, and we had some really great successes today, and I am so loathe to interrupt all that.
Anyways, I’m just sad. Very sad that we might leave. Not expecting this. Not really. I didn’t really believe we would go. Of course, this could all be premature. We don’t know anything yet. Worrying beforehand is just so stupid, and yet I can’t help it. I’ve had a knot in my gut all day. I can’t wait for this all to be over so I can just know.