I’m about to vent. What is the difference between complaining and venting, you may ask? Complaining means you don’t like the situation, want to change it, and want someone to help you do so (or tell you how). Venting means you accept that this is the way things are, and you are okay with it, but it’s hard work and sometimes you just wanna get that off your chest.
Having two kids when one of them is a toddler is TOUGH. DS is constantly taking off whenever we are out. He doesn’t want to ride on my back anymore, and if I try to put him there he yanks my hair, scratches and pinches me…it’s not fun (sad to say, I think our Ergo days are over). Sometimes I have to strap him screaming into the stroller, and I hate having to do that. Today we went to the Aquarium. I really didn’t want to go, but DD has been asking for ages. It sucks for her, because we have to constantly run after DS, who just goes around willy-nilly. She wants to look at things, ask questions, show me, learn with me. He wants to climb stairs and go on elevators. Sigh. So we spent the first hour with him strapped into the stroller screeching (and let me tell you something, this boy can screech!). Then we spent the next hour dragging DD from one exhibit to the next, her crying that she wanted to go here, not there, but I was desperately trying to get DS to sleep. No such luck. Eventually I went down the kids section and let him loose. I chased him around, pulled him off the staircase a few dozen times…luckily DD was obsessing over the felt board, making up stories with the sea animal cutouts there, so it was actually not too bad when one kid happily stays put. Finally, exhausted, I said it was time to leave. We walked home (read: I pushed the double stroller with 70 lbs of kid in it). DS fell asleep (at 4 pm, so you know we’re gonna be up late tonight). My feet are killing me. My back is killing me. Everybody now: “poor you!”
Some friends of mine took their kids berry picking today. I would love to have gone, but there was no way I could see that working out for me. I wouldn’t be able to talk with anybody, because I’d be chasing DS around. DD would have gotten the short end, once again, as I would not have been able to get involved in the activity with her. Then the gang went to the bird sanctuary, full of trails and lovely scenery. Again, I’d be trying to drag my 35lb toddler along with us, wondering why it is that whichever way we are walking, he wants to go the other way. So no, we didn’t go berry picking with our friends today. And I’m feeling a bit resentful (in a stupid, admittedly childish way).
My good friend K. has two boys same age as my kids. Her young one is only 2 days older than DS. But he started walking at 9 months, and has had loads of practice (DS started at 14 months). He’s also incredibly advanced in his verbal skills, so K. is able to just say to him “don’t go past that tree” or “come back here” and he does. My little boy can’t do that, and I am feeling quite envious of her. I feel like she has two little boys, and I have a little girl and a crazy person.
I am trying really, really hard to ‘live in the moment’. I’m trying to savour this precious age, as I know it will be gone soon and I will look back fondly on the cute, chunky, big-smile little boy my wonderful son is right now. But honestly, I am just looking forward to having two children who will walk beside me and follow me around like my DD does right now. I feel so ready to move past this stage and be a mom of kids, instead of a mom-with-a-toddler-so-I-can’t-do-that. And then I feel bad that I’m wishing away a stage of my son’s life. What kind of mother does that make me? But between the exhausting chasing him around, and have I mentioned the screeching….I’m finding this challenging. I swear, with all the screaming DS has been doing lately, I’m surprised none of the neighbours have complained.
Okay, there’s my vent. I know this is his age, I know it will pass, I know I should try to enjoy it. And I will try. But on days like today, I just wonder if anybody out there really knows how freakin’ exhausted I am!!! Okay, many of you are moms so yes, you do. But you know what I mean, right?