Following your Heart

warning: I’m about to bore you all with my incessant ramblings about our next home. This topic is foremost on my mind these days and, frankly, I feel a bit shallow about it. But then again, I also appreciate that if this is the biggest thing on my mind, life is Very Good. And I’m grateful for that (being one who appreciates how one’s life can forever be changed in just an instant). It’s my first real home purchase, so I think I’m allowed a little bit of self-indulgence on this one.

This evening I was surfing the real estate listings and found two new ones in an area I’ve been interested in lately. It’s the same neighbourhood where I fell in love with a little house recently (I posted about it here). I was so excited by them I decided to go on an “adventure”. It was 7:30 pm and DH was out for the evening at a company function. DS hadn’t slept all day and I knew he’d be out in a minute if we went for a drive, and I bribed DD with the promise of an ice cream. So I got us all into the car and drove off to check out these houses. It felt very exciting – it’s hard to be spontaneous when you have kids. It reminded me of how excited I was when I first had a car, knowing I could just go anywhere I wanted at any time. Tonight felt like one of those times. It was almost exhilirating. That might be a reflection of how low my standards have become re: fun and sponteneity, lol, but hey – I enjoyed it.

Well, I drove past both places and was quite disappointed. Neither had any yard to speak of, one was on a fairly busy street, and the other had “money pit” written all over it. As I drove around the neighbourhood with the evening light settling upon us I just felt…nothing. Yes, it was a cute area. But I didn’t feel any tingle inside, no pulling in my heart, no lifting of my soul.

We got our ice cream and then I decided to drive past what I’ve now nicknamed “The Development”. This is a place that seems to keep popping back into my life, as if it were calling me. It began when DH and I prepurchased a condo there, when the last phase (of four) was still a giant hole in the ground. We ended up “flipping” it right before completion, and I put it out of my mind. But starting several months ago I began to find myself drawn to it again. I “ended up” there one day when looking for a place to have coffee and use the Internet (there’s a Starbucks on one corner). I ended up there another time when I needed a park to kill some time in and let the kids burn off some steam (there’s one across the street). Lately, it seems I drive by there alot. And this evening I went there again.

I’d never been by it that late in the day, with the sun almost set and dusky twilight filling the sky. I pulled over and we ate our ice cream and I stared at it all. It’s a gorgeous place. The architecture is varied enough to be interesting to look at – it’s not all blocks and rectangles. The landscaping is beautiful. The lighting and streetlights together cast a warm glow. It reminded me of evening walks with DH when he lived in Beacon Hill (a region of Boston). It’s not that the architecture of The Development is the same as Beacon Hill, it’s just the feeling in the evening… when the streetlights cast their warm glow, and the manicured sidewalks and flowerboxes and trees are so pretty…it’s manicured enough to be aesthetically pleasing, but green enough not to feel so artificial.

ANYways…as I sat and looked at the place I felt such a lifting of my heart, such a feeling of “coming home”. It isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way about that place, but I think it’s time to finally recognize that this is where my heart is telling me to be. All this debate about a house…the idea was nice for a while, but honestly it’s just not what I want. And as for the kids, it’s just 3 blocks from an area full of parks and markets and a major arts centre, etc. They won’t be lacking because we don’t have a back yard. It will just keep me honest about spending time with them, rather than being tempted to chuck them outside and do more housework!

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