Some Random Updates

  • DS’s speech is improving every day. This morning he awoke and called to me from his room, calling me “mama”. It was a first, and warmed my heart!

  • The deal at DH’s work has been delayed *again*. Now I’m going to have to wait another month before we buy our car. I had to pass by the dealership today and waved sadly and longingly to my new love, sitting there in the showroom. I am so noticing how lacking my current vehicle is now. Waiting is SO hard!!! Argh!
  • In the “you have serious issues” category, I am having anxiety attacks about what to say to the car saleswomen when she inevitably calls me. You’d think it would be a simple matter to say we have to wait, but I have panic attacks just thinking about it. I’ve rehearsed the convrsation in my head a thousand times but am still terrified. Doing some serious self-exploration, I’ve come to the pathetic conclusion that ultimately, the reason for my fear is that somewhere in the messed up part of my psyche I believe she’ll realize I’m just a fake and that I have no “right” (i.e. no ability) to purchase the car and I just strung them all along. That is some serious messed up sh*t there. What on earth happened to me as a child to make me so darned insecure (and in a way that manifests itself in such unusual circumstances)?
  • I bought a refurbished MacBook yesterday. It should be here by Friday I hope. Typing on this broken keyboard and having to whack the “e” key repeatedly to get it to work is giving me carpal tunnel syndrome or something. It’s my first Apple after years and years of Windows. I’m very excited about crossing over to the other side!

  • I have to take DD to the dentist tomorrow and I have nobody to watch DS. There’s a huge playroom but it’s around the corner and down the hall from the dentist’s chair. DD is freaked by the mere mention of the word dentist and I haven’t told her yet. She will definitely want me to stay by her side (and I want to as well) but what am I going to do with DS? I already cancelled our last appointment when we were all sick with the plague so I don’t want to reschedule again. I’m just going to go and hope some nurse will take pity on me and watch DS. Sigh! Being a mum of more than one can be SO challenging! I’m hoping my anxiety doesn’t spill over to DD.
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