A whole new adventure: We’re Moving!

Some of you may recall from previous posts that we have been hunting around for a small acreage. The process has been going on for months now with few prospects, numerous disappointments, and at least one moment of insanity. Well, I’m happy to report that we finally found a place and have successfully negotiated a sale. We’re moving at the end of February!

We’re going from the Lower Mainland of BC across the Georgia Strait to beautiful Vancouver Island (the Cowichan Valley, to be more specific). We have 4 acres of lovely land and a smallish mobile home. You can read more about the property in this post from my other blog.

I’m so very excited to be finally fulfilling the dream of having our own land. But I’m also really excited for our children and our family. The area we’re moving to already seems to have a well-established, connected, and active homelearning community who have welcomed me warmly (via their Yahoo Group). It’s a small town (surrounded by many other lovely small towns) and I am so looking forward to a more relaxed atmosphere. No noisy traffic rushing past our house (our new place is at the very end of a long, country road), no huge crowds of people, no traffic jams and planning our trips around rush-hour. We’re going to have some animals (pigs and chickens to start) and be spending a whole lot of time outside as we clear the land, put up some fences, and build us some animal sheds. When the grownups are outside, the children tend to follow, and I’m thrilled that they will have so much room in which to play, explore, and discover. They will also be learning right along with us about caring for land and livestock.

The other night at the dinner table I spoke to the kids about our new place and what life will be like. We talked about how we’ll be able to see lots of stars at night, as we do when we are camping, because we’ll be far from the lights of the big city. We talked about all the wild animals we’ll see right from our own place, such as eagles and deer and elk. Daughter and I talked excitedly about building nesting boxes and planting butterfly gardens. Son was thrilled about getting a trampoline, having trees to climb, and riding on a tractor. What he doesn’t appreciate is how much more freedom he will have: we currently live on a busy road and as he is not the most sensible about the dangers of traffic I rarely let him outside without supervision. Our new place has a long driveway and my kids might finally learn how to ride bikes (our very short driveway and busy street with no sidewalk has precluded anything more than riding trikes in circles).

I’m looking forward to hiking in the trails that are right next door to our property. And to going running along the converted railway that runs right below our property, going for miles on graded land that will make for some fabulous runs! I’m looking forward to finding new “favorite places” to run errands, such as the library, the rec centre, grocery stores, arts and crafts shops, bakeries and butchers. Locally raised food and sustainable agriculture is huge on the Island and there will be no shortage of sources for natural foods, ethically raised meats, and fresh local produce.

So my posting may be more limited over the next few weeks as I have a TON of packing to do (along with the much-anticipated decluttering that occurs whenever we move). I’m glad the kids are excited (they had mixed feelings about moving at first) and I’m so happy for the life they will find there. I hope you’ll stay tuned and follow us as we embark on this wonderful new adventure.

Bribery: it has its place

I have long eschewed using rewards to motivate my kids. The reasons are numerous but can be found well-discussed in such books as Alfie Kohn’s Punished By Rewards, not to mention various online articles. I want my children’s motivations to be intrinsic, not extrinsic. And frankly, the reward angle can backfire if the child chooses to forgo the reward in exchange for something they’d rather do (and that you’d rather they not do).

But I will admit, and I believe Kohn does too, that there are a few rare times when rewards might give that little motivating push. One such situation is toilet learning. After all, when you are used to eliminating in any place at any time without disrupting what you are doing it might seem crazy to go without a diaper and all the hassle that entails. When Daughter was learning we ran into this situation: I knew she could do it but she often chose not to. So one day I suggested we make a poster and put up a sticker for every time she went on the potty. The day we set it up she started using the toilet. By the end of the day she had three stickers. By then the novelty was already wearing off but the habit was forming and we never looked back. She didn’t even bother asking for a sticker after that and I still have her poster with its three small stickers as a reminder of how well it all went.

Recently I have found myself in another situation where it seemed Daughter needed a little extra motivation to push herself past her boundaries. For the last year we have noticed that Daughter was getting a bit “chunky”. When I finally took over as sole food provider and stuck to a meal plan things started to get under control. However, the holidays brought a lack of meal planning combined with a lack of exercise that resulted in too much convenience food and too little activity. I was quite shocked one day to see her running around without clothes on, revealing just how much extra body fat she was sporting (I say this with the full understanding that people come in all sorts of builds and physiques, but she has always been of average weight and build so this was definitely not appropriate for her). I decided then and there I had to do something about this.

Meal planning and cutting out treats was relatively simple but the exercise part was proving frustrating. Daughter is not the most athletic child, has never shown an interest in sports, and generally prefers to devote her time to more cerebral activities. I’m certain there are some sports that she would enjoy but she stubbornly refuses to join any such classes (except skiing, but this season has been so mild that the local mountains are closed). I decided to see just how deep this lack of interest went: I offered her a bribe.

She’s been begging for this Snack Shop since before Christmas. So the other day I told her that I would buy her the Snack Shop if she completed one full session of classes in any sport she chose. Her reaction (one of immediate excitement followed by a resounding YES!) convinced me that her refusal to do classes was not based on some deep-seated anxiety but perhaps a sufficient lack of motivation to get started.

We perused the Rec Centre calendar and found the rhythmic gymnastics section. Fortunately, she had been given a “ribbon on a stick” for Christmas and loved it, so when I explained that this class would involve ribbons (and hoops) she said that was the one for her. The fates seemed to be supporting her choice when I learned that the first class had been postponed and we would not, in fact, be missing any classes. This past Thursday was her first class.

She started running around the gym before they’d even set up, and by the end of the 90 minute session was red-faced and tired, but happy. She’d made a friend and enjoyed the activities and even learned that she CAN do a somersault (despite insisting to the instructor that she couldn’t). In typical fashion for her, she announced as we walked to the car that the class was “boring” and she didn’t want to do it anymore. Funny, she gave a great impression of a kid enjoying herself during the class! So I “dangled” the Snack Shop reward and, obviously torn, she agreed to keep going. But I also suspect she may have had a case of the hungry-grumpies because since then she has been telling family that she likes the class and is looking forward to her next one. I also want to point out that I would not force Daughter to keep going if she seemed really miserable: she agreed to this arrangement and she is free to opt out at any time (with the understood consequence).

While I am a firm believer in child-led learning and giving kids the freedom to direct their path, I am also a firm believer in establishing a healthy weight at a young age and avoiding the quagmire of issues surrounding childhood obesity. I also know from experience that exercising when you are out of shape truly sucks, but that once you are in shape it feels great. So I think Daughter just needs a little help getting over that hump. She certainly had never complained before about going for hikes with me, but as she gained weight I noticed her complaining more until finally she just started to resist going at all. I really feel like this is important enough that adding a touch of bribery is quite possibly the best solution.

Back on Track: a week in the life

I’ll confess during the holidays we really slacked off. With the return of the sun I came out of my doldrums, resolving to get back into the swing of things. First and foremost the kids needed more outdoor time. Secondly, I needed to get back into meal planning: too much take-out and holiday treats around the house caused Daughter to gain a rather significant amount of weight over the holidays (more on that in a subsequent post). And I wanted to spend more sit-down, intentional time with each child. So far this week we are off to a great start.

Monday was a glorious day, the first in weeks. So immediately after we hit the grocery store I took the kids to the park. We ended up staying there for over three hours (having seredipitously brought a picnic along by way of our grocery shopping)! Not only did the kids get a great dose of fresh air and sunshine, they climbed around the playground together…

…and climbed trees (or, in this case, a tree trunk).

Son did this ALL BY HIMSELF and it gave me no end of chest pains watching him wandering around up there, let me tell you!!

What’s more the kids did really well at making friends (turns out some school around here had a Pro-D day so they met a few kids their age). Actually, Son has become really good at it which is so deeply satisfying to watch after all we’ve been through with him. Daughter also used to struggle socially but she seems to have really come into her own lately and she made some friends as well that day. After about 2 hours on the playground and in the nearby woods we wandered down to the beach and spent another hour there. I sat on a bench and knit while the kids clambered on rocks and waded ankle-deep in the surf (they had rainboots on). It was a truly glorious afternoon and one of those days when I just cherish our lifestyle and am so thankful for it.

On Tuesday we went to the library, having just resumed our weekly visits since the holidays, and we seem to have started a new tradition: after we’re done we go next door to the coffee shop for a cookie (I have steamed milk and a biscotti). We all usually end up reading one of our library picks and it makes for a peaceful and very pleasant time.

That afternoon Daughter decided that our ensuite bathroom was “too gross to use” and offered to clean it for me (whaaaa???). I had to replace her father’s shaving brush and the bowl she had filled with water (after dumping out my paper clips!) with a scrub-brush, some cleaning cloths, and a spray bottle of diluted vinegar but then off she went. Eventually she recruited her brother and the two of them spent the better part of an hour finishing that up and then moving on to the other bathroom. It wouldn’t pass the Molly Maid test but that ensuite had been so neglected I figured even if they just sat in there and sprayed the vinegar solution everywhere it couldn’t help but be an improvement! And, most importantly they came away with a sense of accomplishment and the feeling that they had made a solid contribution to the household duties. You can’t buy that kind of enthusiasm (though we did later negotiate an allowance contribution for the work they’d done).

On Wednesday my in-laws came over and I found myself in the blissful position of having four hours to myself! They played with the kids and took them to the local playground while I went on a good trail run with the dog and then had lunch with my Mum.

Today we went to Value Village to get Daughter some gym shorts (she’s starting a new class – more on that soon). The kids hit the toy section and were delighted with their finds (oh, how I LOVE this about my kids!). Daughter got a battery-operated dinosaur (a Spinosaurus, for those in the know) that roars and waves it’s head around. Son found a large Transformer, though we have yet to figure out what machine the robot turns into. Both were under $5. After that I headed towards downtown on an errand that I soon abandoned, but while in the area we visited our old urban neighbourhood and had lunch at our favorite pizza joint (this is really good, light, homemade pizza so I don’t quite put it in the category of junk food). We then headed towards home with a stop at a dance shop for Daughter’s gym slippers. Son got to veg out with his Dad, who was home early for a nice surprise, while I took Daughter to the first day of her rhythmic gymnastics class.

This is my idea of a good homeschooling week, though to be honest it does change with the seasons and circumstances. When someone is sick everything changes on the fly, or when the weather is particularly nasty we might decide to stay home all day. But this is really my favorite type of week and I’m glad to be back in the swing of things.

Chemistry Fun

In a fit of “we haven’t done ANYTHING lately!” (yes, it happens to the best of us unschooling parents) I decided to devote some sit-down time with Daughter to creating a Project. I told her it could be about anything she liked, and presented in any way she liked, but she didn’t really get what I meant so I showed her this YouTube video posted on a homelearners discussion board I frequent (how cute is that kid? and yes, he is unschooled).

Well, when Daughter saw the video she immediately announced that she wanted her project to be about Chemistry. At that point I had to go off and take care of something and when I returned to the computer room I found her with a pile of printed pages containing miniature Periodic Tables. She had managed to enter it into Google, find images to print, and had printed off several in a search for a full-page one. I helped her find it (she selected from a few samples based on the colours they used, lol) and off we went.

I asked her what all the numbers and letters meant and she immediately remembered that on BrainPop (one of our favorite websites) there are videos about the Periodic Table. We sat together and watched, comparing what we learned with our own Periodic Table in hand. She then suggested we watch a video about the Atom, and one about Molecules. It was then we moved on to making molecules like the boy in the YouTube video had. I kept my mouth shut while she brought out her beloved modelling clay, pulled out some pieces and rolled them into balls, until she had to ask…”how do you know how to make a molecule?”. So I was then able to show her that we just Google “Chemical Formula for Water” (for example) and we end up with something that looks like this: H-O-H. I explained that each letter is an element (so we use a different colour for different letters) and we stick them together in that order. Pretty simple, really. In no time we’d created Water and Ethanol.

I had originally suggested that we pick a project from her list of goals in this year’s Learning Plan. But as soon as we pulled up the Mind Mapping program we used to create the Learning Plan she saw that we could use it to plan out our Chemistry project too (by the way, both the Kidspiration program and access to the BrainPop site are provided free by our learning program). So when we had done making our molecules she said she was ready to put together a Mind Map and the photo at the start of this post is what she came up with. I helped by suggesting some of the major categories, she filled in the subcategories with images chosen from the program’s list, and then used the Image Creator to make her own (the images of protons/neutrons and of electrons). We can then go back to this when we next sit down for Project Time to decide what we’ll work on next. Of course, it’s entirely possible she won’t want to work on Chemistry next time, and may suggest something else that has piqued her curiosity more recently. And you know what? It’s All Good!

What’s so interesting to me about doing things like this is how quickly we parents must shed our notions about how it’s going to go, what we’re going to do, what it’s going to look like, etc. I had ideas in my head but Daughter truly led the way here, which (once I let go of my need to control things!) was truly wonderful to me. It really begs the question of the whole role of Teacher as someone who dispenses knowledge into empty containers, and turns it around to the notion of a Facilitator. My job was simply to enable, to assist, and to provide answers when asked. The rest flowed so smoothly and naturally – I really wish more people could witness this process and see what Natural Learning really looks like. Maybe I’d get less of “But how do you make them learn X, Y, Z?”. “Make” just doesn’t factor into it!

Healthy Chicken Nuggets

Daughter enjoys baked chicken, but Son will not eat it. He will, however, eat chicken nuggets from a certain well-known fast food outlet. So today I put together a recipe for a home-made, healthy version that I thought might appeal to both of them.

1) cut up raw chicken. most recipes say to use breasts but I used thighs because they tend to be more flavourful (and the store didn’t have any breasts that day)

2) put chicken in a food processor (I just got one for Christmas, which is what inspired me) and add a dash of salt and pepper if you like; pulse until it resembles ground chicken*

3) form into ping-pong sized balls and roll in flour

4) dip into a mixture of 1 egg, ~ 1/4 cup milk, and ~ 1/2 cup pureed vegetable (if you want to sneak some veggie goodness into the meals of children who absolutely will not eat ANY vegetables); I used sweet potato today, but you could use carrots or beets (the latter will impart some colour to the nuggets, which may or may not be a Good Thing depending on your children’s sense of adventure) or you can even use pureed spinach or broccoli (but since my kids have been known to reject an entire meal upon spotting a green speck of something vegetable-like I haven’t tried that yet). NOTE: I added the milk because the egg and veggie mixture was too thick; adjust for yourselves to get something more runny than lumpy

5) roll the dipped nuggets in a mixture of bread crumbs, grated parmesan cheese, and any spices you might want (I used plain ol’ seasoning salt; garlic and onion salt would also work, as would chopped fresh herbs – which I can’t use because of my kids’ aforementioned hatred of Food That Is Green)

6) flatten the ball a bit to get that classic Nugget shape and place on a cookie rack (the kind you cool cookies on) that is placed on a cookie sheet (I lined mine with foil b/c it makes it easier to clean). The cookie rack prevents sticking of the nugget to the tray and also allows for a crisper underside.

7) bake at 400 F for about 7 – 8 minutes, flip the nuggets and repeat; repeat again if necessary until they are cooked, firm and dry to the touch

eight) place under the broiler for about 5 minutes to crisp them up (when I tried to write the number 8 I got a smiley instead!)

9) serve with your favorite dip

Now I am one of those folks who cannot cook without EXACT amounts being dictated to me, however I managed this without needing to measure anything which tells you how easy that part is.

I plan to modify the breadcrumb mix next time by adding some flaxseed meal (which I sneak into whatever I can) and perhaps using Panko instead of breadcrumbs, which I think might make them more crunchy.

Overall I was very pleased with how they turned out. Despite Daughter’s thumbs-down I am going to add this to my repertoire of meal planning items because I can easily keep aside a couple of thighs and just bake them the usual way for her without too much extra trouble.

Enjoy!

* you could always buy ground chicken but I didn’t for a reason; I haven’t bought conventional chicken in well over a year because I have ethical problems with the way those birds are raised, housed, and the generally miserable lives they lead (not to mention the resulting poorer quality of product that comes from a less-then-healthy animal). The only source of ethical chicken I can find around here comes only in whole birds, so pre-ground chicken is not available. I confess for today’s experiment I lowered my standards and bought conventional boneless, skinless thighs because I didn’t know if this would work out and couldn’t bear the thought of wasting the better part of a $25 chicken on a failed experiment. Now that I know the recipe works (I enjoyed them myself, which means not cooking different meals for adults and kids), I’ll spring for an ethically-raised bird next time.

Gentle Pushes

This post is about that continual struggle we parents face between knowing when to hold a child close and when they are ready for a very “gentle push” away. I suppose in a perfect world we’d wait for our children to mature at their own pace right up to the bitter end, for every step and milestone. But in reality sometimes there are things that need to be changed for the sake of family harmony, and if the child is “almost there” a Gentle Push might allow for that harmony to be achieved sooner.

Sometimes I’ve felt confident that they are ready for a Gentle Push. I weaned both kids at around age 3.5 years. It was my idea, not theirs, and had they been consulted they would have said “no way”. But both kids got through it with nary a tear nor a protest, confirming my belief that they were ready. But other times I’ve found it hard to tell if they are ready for an “imposed change”. Particularly with Daughter, who is a bit of a drama queen and finds change very difficult to accept.

We recently introduced a change in the sleeping arrangements so that Husband and I could finally reclaim an adult bedroom after years of playing Musical Beds with the whole family. It was time and we needed this. Daughter, predictably, blew a gasket when she found out of our plans. But by that evening she was declaring her new bedroom to be “pretty cool” and has slept happily in that room every night since then. She was ready.

Last night we gave Daughter another “gentle push”. For several years Daughter has loudly protested any attempts to have her father put her to bed (unless I’m not home; which is rare). I usually ended up putting first one child to bed, then the other, which was exhausting. Lately Husband has started putting Son to bed. Son hasn’t liked it but because he didn’t put up the fuss that Daughter did we continued doing it. I just really needed to not be doing both kids every night, y’know? But this didn’t seem too fair to the boy.

Add to that the situation when we started camping in our trailer this past summer – I could put them to bed at the same time but I could not sleep with both of them as the beds are too small. If Daughter woke up to find I’d moved to Husband’s bed she would either crawl in with us (squishing us while sleeping soundly herself) or insist (loudly) that I come sleep with her. After a few sleep-deprived nights it ended up that we’d move a sleeping Son over to his Dad and I’d sleep with Daughter. Son commented a few times that he didn’t like this arrangement and wanted to sleep with me sometimes. We did try one night but Daughter went into hysterics and I ended up caving because I couldn’t take it (and was sure we’d get kicked out of our campsite for disturbing everyone’s sleep). Looking back now I think we made the mistake of just imposing the rule in the moment and then not supporting her when she lost it (by that time of night we were exhausted and not very sympathetic).

The last straw broke this past weekend when we spent two nights in a hotel room with two double beds. Son woke up both mornings to find himself in Husband’s bed. That last morning when he awoke he angrily got up and sat on the other bed with a frown. When we asked what was wrong he said “I always go to sleep in Mama’s bed and wake up in Tata’s bed – I don’t like it!”. Well, I finally had to face what this was doing to him. I well recall how my paternal grandmother used to favour me over my little brother – I hated it then and I hated the thought of doing it to my own children.

So Husband and I came up with a plan that we would alternate putting the kids to bed each night and Daughter was just going to have to learn to live with it. Last night about an hour before bedtime we sat her down and explained what we were doing and why. She screamed and cried and got rather hysterical but we were prepared for it and offered her lots of hugs and comfort while still standing our ground. By the time bedtime came around she had got most of it out of her system. Husband lay with her and read from the latest chapter book and all was quiet while I read stories to Son in the kids’ room. I did hear some crying when, I presume, it was lights out. But it was not like the hysterical crying of before. And it didn’t last long either. Both kids had a great sleep, too.

This morning she insisted she wasn’t happy about it and was glad that it was my turn to put her to bed tonight. There may be some protesting tomorrow night but I’m willing to bet it will be more subdued than last night’s. And I also bet that, within a few days, this will all become “normal” and there will be no more protests. Meanwhile, Son beamed when I told him of the new plan and how it was especially made for him so that he could sleep with me some nights when we travel. That made it all worthwhile.

I’ve been struggling internally lately with the concept of setting rules and imposing structure on children. It’s not that we don’t have any rules, but they are few and as the kids get older some situations are proving to be less than optimal for the family unit as a whole. There have been some great discussions in my online communities lately on the subject of imposing rules and structure within the unschooling context, and how such things can be introduced while still remaining true to the values of respecting and honouring our children for who they are. It seems to boil down to having a sense of when they are ready for a Gentle Push.

For someone like myself, who has issues with confrontation (I generally actively avoid it, if at all possible) the tempestuous meltdowns of a certain young girl-child have often proved more than I can handle. I’ve interpreted them as “she’s not ready” when maybe that wasn’t the case. In looking back at Gentle Pushes that have worked, I’m seeing now that a common thread is having a set plan in place, letting the children know ahead of time, and giving them time to process in an environment that is empathetic and supportive (while still gently sticking with what’s just been said). It also seems to be important that we be prepared to change our plan after a suitable trial period, should it turn out that the children really weren’t ready (or it’s just not working the way we thought it would). Involving children in this process will hopefully assure them in future situations that, if it truly isn’t working, they will be heard and their needs respected and honoured.

A Whole New World

Anyone who knows me or who has followed my blog for a while knows of the challenges I’ve faced over the years with my very physically-expressive son. A summation of the issues we’ve faced can be found here, although my blog is sprinkled with posts of desperation, frustration, and sorrow over the episodes and situations we’ve found ourselves in over the years.

One consequence of his behaviours is that we have tended to avoid certain situations. Up until this past year we stayed away from any place where one might find a concentration of toddlers and small children playing, as for the longest time these were guaranteed targets. This pretty much ruled out playgrounds, indoor or out. If I did venture to one I would pass it by if there were too many children there. If there was anybody there other than ourselves I’d have to shadow Son closely, including having to climb up on play structures with him lest he try to shove somebody and they fall from up there. I’m sure many parents watched me thinking I was a paranoid mother who worried my precious son would hurt himself. Little did they understand it was their own children being hurt I was worried about. How I envied Mums who would sit on a bench and knit or read while their kids played happily (and kindly and gently) with others. Mine was not a world of hoping other kids would be there to play with my children.

I’m happy to say that over the last year, and most especially in the last six months, I have seen some dramatic changes in Son. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say dramatic absences of certain behaviours. It has been quite some time since he hit, scratched, or otherwise assaulted some strange kid (wrestling with good friends can sometimes get carried away but it’s a totally different dynamic). I have been cautiously hopeful that there IS indeed a light at the end of this tunnel, and that Son is finally maturing and growing out of these behaviours.

Today was an especially unique day and will go hopefully go down on record as the Beginning of the End. We went to the playground to enjoy some rare sunshine, and when we arrived there was another family with two kids, aged 3 and almost-5. Son pointed this out as we walked from the car and I started to give my “Now let’s be polite, this is a sharing place, blah blah blah” speech when Son announced that he was going to make friends with the boy and play with him.

‘Scuse me?

And he did! Darned if he didn’t go over there, introduce himself, and say “want to play with me?”. The other boy, doubtless bored with the company of his little sister, eagerly agreed and for the next half hour the two traipsed around like best friends. Who was this sweet, gentle little boy that used to try and push toddlers off the top of the slide? Son was having a ball and the thought of committing preschooler-violence on anybody didn’t seem to cross his mind at all.

When that family left, Son announced that it was “boring playing without friends”, but just then a group of boys that looked his age came to the playground. They were marching along the perimeter wall of logs and rocks. Son, feeling a bit shy, nevertheless got up the courage to go over there and ask if he could play with them. My heart began to ache as I saw the boys look at each other as if to say “Who is this kid and do we really want to play with some stranger?”. They eventually said yes, explained that they were playing Follow the Leader, and instructed him to go to the end of the line. But just as Son got up behind the last of the three boys one of them announced he was going to do something else and the others immediately followed. The look on my son’s face tugged at my heartstrings. Here he was finally getting “out in the world” and he smashes into the wall of Playground Politics.

I can honestly say I have never seen this type of behaviour in the homeschooled children we’ve met who are of this same age group. And my kids have never encountered the “We’re a Tight Posse” attitude. Oh sure, not all homeschooled kids get along, but they’ll give you a chance first. You may fail on attitude, friendliness, or have any other personality fault but I’ve never seen that “let’s shun the new guy” look.

The boys soon began playing on a climbing structure and Son told me he wanted to play with them. I encouraged him to ask. He went over and asked 2 or 3 times, but the boys just looked at each other and didn’t answer. Finally I decided it was time to step in. I asked the boys if he could play, got names and ages out of them (Son was delighted to hear they were all 5) and he joined in. But the kids were not very inclusive. I watched surreptitiously from a nearby perch, listening to what went on. At one point they got underneath the slide and opened up an ice-cream shop. Son tried to participate but he was largely getting the cold shoulder. I was torn between being excited by this sudden dramatic turn in his socializing skills and desires, and aching for him that he was being excluded.

In an attempt to engage them or otherwise get their attention, Son began to put on some silly faces and do “funny stunts”. The kids rolled their eyes at each other (these were 5 year olds!) and told him he was weird. My heart stuck in my throat as I looked to see how Son would react. But he just smiled confidently and said “I’m not weird!”. The boys soon got called to go “back to school” (all day Kindergarten?) and we walked down to the beach from the playground.

Son told me how he’d done funny things, like pretending his ice-cream cone had turned into a snake. I commented that I thought it was funny, too, but that I got the feeling those boys “didn’t get it”. As we talked I got the sense from Son that he had either missed the slights being sent his way, or he simply didn’t care. I have learned not to underestimate his intelligence and I’m going to go with the latter. If so, my goal of raising confident, self-assured children who don’t fall victim to clique-ism or other such behaviours is off to a good start.

It really felt today like a whole new world is opening up, both for Son and myself as his mother. It means, for example, that I might soon feel confident leaving him with his sister in the kids’ section of the library while I run to the bathroom by myself (actually, I confess I recently did this). I’m not worried about child abductors, no, I’ve always worried he’d belt some little kid. It means I can bring books and knitting to the playground and not have to shadow him up and down child-sized ladders and platforms. It means we can go to indoor playgrounds and I don’t have to be worried about judgmental parents accusing my Son of being a bully or a psychopath (or me of being a neglectful mother).

And for my boy, today was the second time I’ve seen this look in his eye (wanting to join in with a group of kids), but the first time I’ve seen him so actively pursue his desire. He wanted to play with somebody, and he appeared to understand that fighting or shoving would thwart his agenda. Not only did he keep his hands to himself, but he was polite and confident, talkative and friendly. A whole new world of interaction has opened up for him, too. Apparently, it was his time!

Good Days and Bad Days

Everybody has bad days, and so do kids. Yesterday my son was having a Bad Day. And we happened to visit with Grandma that day. She’s not too happy with our lifestyle choices and is constantly bugging me about the kids having “no schedule”, not being around other kids enough, and being overall ill-mannered and badly behaved due to what she sees as my complete and total lack of discipline. So it sure didn’t help when, after 2 or 3 hours of good times, Son lost it with me and I in turn lost it with him. Grandma lost it with him, too and then tried to assure me that my losing it was “just what he needed”. I was depressed for the rest of the day, but fortunately the kids and I did have some good talks about it and I strove to chalk it up to just one of those things we can’t guilt ourselves about too much, as Wife Mom Maniac so eloquently wrote recently.

Today was payback. Today was a Good Day. The sun shone gloriously on a frosty world this morning and so we decided to head to a local park by the beach. First we hit the playground. Daughter, who has recently discovered the joy of being addicted to a good chapter book, settled herself into a cozy place in the sun and spent half the time with her nose in her latest Enid Blyton book.

Meanwhile, Son played his heart out and didn’t knock anybody over. In fact, he was a social butterfly! He was so kind and polite and sweet my heart just swelled with love.

I sat and enjoyed a spot in the warm winter sun, and got to read a fair amount of my own book. This has not been my playground experience in the past few years and so I relish such opportunities. Could it be that my kids are finally moving out of phases that made going to a playground an exercise that required my complete focused attention?

After an hour and a half or so, Son announced he wanted to head down to the beach. Daughter relocated to a sunny bench with her book (after a break of about 30 minutes to run around and play with her brother). Son stripped off his shoes and socks and headed to the sand. It had to be less than 5 degrees Celcius down by the water and I was chilled with my woolen socks, fleece hat, winter coat, and mittens. Check out Mr. “Cold Makes Me Warm”:

He jumped off rocks onto the sand below, and eventually Daughter joined him (more sensibly attired, I might add).

You can see how clear and still the water was today. It was very beautiful.

The kids ended by playing around on the Giant Anchor.

And as the sun began to get lower in the sky we headed home.

It was just the spot of fresh air and sunshine we all needed after a month of rain and dark gloomy skies. There were no fights, and everybody seemed to have a great time, including me!

Enid Blyton is Rolling in her Grave

When I was nine years old, a family friend whose children had grown and moved out of the home presented me with a huge box full of books. Most of them were by Enid Blyton, books that her children had read and enjoyed, and they were now being passed on to me. I devoured them, and for years looked everywhere for Famous Five or Secret Seven books. When I grew up I kept some of them (I’m not really sure what happened to the rest).

Years later I found myself with a daughter who is about the age when voracious readers such as herself become interested in chapter books. Well, actually she seems a bit behind on that front compared to other early readers I know. I tried a while back with a Magic Treehouse book, but after reading a chapter or two she requested that we go back to the picture books we get at the library each week. Until last week, that is. I was rummaging around and found my old Enid Blyton books. I decided to give it a try with her again. I asked if we could read a chapter or two from this book (Five Go To Billycock Hill), and then we’d do one of her books.

I’m delighted to say that she immediately took to them (probably because the Famous Five include a rather clever dog) and we ended up reading several chapters that night and never got to her other books. Every night since then we’ve read chapters from the book, both she and I enjoying them to the point where I often relent to read “just one more chapter!” because I myself am caught up in the story.

These books were originally written in the 1940’s and take place in England. They are an amazing glimpse into the lifestyle of the past. The way the children speak is so quaint, with lots of “Oh, do let’s!”, “Jolly good!”, and “Rather!”. One of my favorite memories is the way Blyton described the meals the children would eat when out camping or hiking (which they did alone, by the way, the eldest being only 15 and the youngest around 10). Bought from local farmers, which were everywhere it seemed, the children dined on “creamy milk” (doubtless raw), fresh bread and home-churned butter, home-made marmalade and jam, cured hams from the farm’s own pigs, and fresh eggs. Even Daughter, who is notoriously selective in her tastes, lamented that the meals sounded so good that she wished she liked more foods!

Sandwiches were wrapped in paper, tents were canvas sheets set up with pegs and strong branches. Drinks were bought in glass bottles and doled out in cardboard cups. The total absence of plastic is hard to miss. The kids slept in “rugs” rather than sleeping bags, and each child always carried a pocket-knife.

There are some darker sides to the old ways that are also captured in these books. Corporal punishment was frequently mentioned (although generally not in a favourable light). There was rampant sexism; the girls were treated more like delicate flowers and relegated to tasks such as preparing the picnic lunch or washing up afterwards while the boys went off and did the more “manly” chores. The tom-boy George (short for Georgina) was never accorded the same privileges as the boys even though she was tough as nails. The children attended unisex boarding schools and had nannies/housekeepers at home (Daughter was quite astounded by the concept of a boarding school, wondering how any child could want to be away from home so much). There is a stereotyping of “bad guys” as being “common”, disheveled, and otherwise down on their luck. And regular glimpses of war-time attitudes towards “traitors” and “the enemy”. Some of her stories go even further: the current one we are reading involves a trip to Africa where the “savages” are described with typical Colonial-style discrimination and stereotyping. In others she paints a rather intolerant view of “Gypsies”. I don’t recall noticing these much as a child reading the stories, and I suspect the significance is largely over the head of Daughter, too. Those issues that do strike her as odd are questioned and discussed, and overall I think the benefits of this “look into the past” outweigh any political incorrectness found in the tales.

And so it was that we went to the library and decided to see if they had any Enid Blyton books. The librarian pointed them out to me, but informed me that they were “modern editions” that had been “fully revised”. She commented that the originals were “totally inappropriate” for a public library and that I would not find them in any branch. I picked one up and noted with dismay the Saturday-morning-cartoon style illustrations on the front cover.

When I opened a modern Famous Five book to sample the stories I was further dismayed. Not only was the style of writing as foreign from Enid Blyton as Douglas Coupland is from Walden, they’d actually changed the names of the children! I guess the name “Dick” would apparently elicit too much adolescent giggling to be taken seriously, while Julian’s nickname “Ju” probably rolled off the tongue in too politically-incorrect a manner. The modern prose and the complete removal of any flavour of mid-century England resulted in a book that, had I not seen her name on the cover, I would simply never have recognized as her own.

Blyton was born in 1897 and died in the same year I was born. Doubtless someone recently decided to capitalize on her immense fame as a children’s author, purchased the rights to her name and book titles, and then completely redid every element of the story. It was truly tragic, and my heart ached. I resolved then and there to hunt down as many of the old versions as I could find (I recently picked one up at the local thrift store, and I know used paperback bookstores generally have a good selection). I was also greatly saddened that the legacy of such a fine author had been obliterated by political correctness and the glaringly obvious assumption that North American children could simply never relate to their grandparents’ childhood experiences (and would never want to). I mean, how on earth could you ever solve a good mystery without a cell phone and a laptop? It’s a most despicable affront to literature, in my humble opinion. But this also provided a great topic of discussion for myself and Daughter who, I’m proud to say, is as uninterested in the modern versions as I am.

I cannot help but feel convinced that if Enid Blyton were alive today to see how her name has been prostituted she would be horrified. I hope, however, she would also take some comfort in knowing that those of us who grew up on her stories (after a previous generation had already done so), are proudly sharing them with our own children and making clear the distinction between her marvelously adventurous tales and the Scooby-Doo Gang knockoffs that prostitute her name in a blatant attempt to bolster sales. I’m truly sickened and saddened by these modern books and hope that today’s children will not be deprived of knowing her true charm, wit, and style. Not to mention, the priceless opportunity to engage our children in a bit of history.

A sample unschooling week

I got out of having to write a learning report this week for our homeschooling program by doing a family survey for the program instead. So I thought I’d write a post here describing what a week in our household looks like with respect to learning. Here are some things we did over this past week:

My son recently discovered Reading Eggs and I’ve been wanting to encourage a wider variety of computer game play, so I got him an account and renewed Daughter’s at the same time. He’s completed up to Level 18 and Daughter is at Level 50. Both find the games very easy from a reading skill perspective, but they enjoy playing the games and opening the “eggs” they get when they complete a level. They’ll play on this site for a good half-hour at a time, and lately have been doing it about once or twice a week. Sites like this are good examples to pull out when probing family members wonder if our kids are actually learning anything (“Why yes! Little Johnny’s Reading Eggs report says he has just mastered three new phonics!”).

The weather has been very wet lately so I took them to an indoor play centre in our local mall. During the day there are very few children and my kids have lots of room to run, climb, and play. My son is doing extremely well at “keeping his hands to himself” and so for me it’s a nice break: I sit on a comfy sofa and knit while they play. They come out glowing and sweaty – good exercise! It costs about $15 so we don’t go very often, but when we do it’s a treat for all three of us.

Later in the week the weather cleared a bit and we took the dog for a walk. We hit a local forest trail, pretty much empty in the middle of a weekday, and the dog ran around exploring the woods while the kids and I ambled along, stopping to climb on fallen trees, examine mushrooms, or squish through muddy sections of trail. We usually hike for about 45 minutes, stop for a snack break, and then head back. We do this about once a week, weather permitting.

We also hit the thrift shop this week, which we go to about every other month or so. It’s another favorite rainy day activity. The kids get to play in the toy section while I pick out a whack of clothes for them (I scored a beautiful Donna Karan sweater for Son for $3.99!). Each child is allowed one toy to bring home. They are, sad to say, usually plastic junk that I would never pay for new. But not only are we saving plastic from the landfill, but after a few months when the toys have been forgotten I bring them back to the store as a donation, thus recycling them again! Daughter likes to peruse the kids book section while I hit housewares. I found three glass tealight holders for $1.99.

This past week we also went to pick up our annual purchase of beef. We got a half-cow last year and still had lots left so this year we just bought a quarter. We get the meat from a pair of sisters my mother knows, who are in their seventies but still live on the old family farm, raising a few cattle each year that live a life of grass-fed luxury and never see hormones or antibiotics. On our way to the pickup spot I talked with the kids about why we buy our meat this way and not at the supermarket. These sorts of opportunistic conversations are a hallmark of Free Learning. The subjects we’ve covered, the questions that have been asked, are all so much a part of how the kids accumulate knowledge. Yet such learning moments are not often valued by traditional educational methods.

About once a week one child or the other, or both, will come and help me cook or bake something. This week I was making palacinka (as they are called in Husband’s family), also known in my family as English Pancakes. They are basically crepes, which we serve with lemon juice and sugar. Son asked to help out. He worked with me to measure and mix the ingredients, flip the pancakes, and dress them. Cooking is a lovely way to spend time together, and it is very educational. The kids learn about math, chemistry, and nutrition in a meaningful way but to them it’s all just fun (and yummy!).

This week the family visited with mother-in-law in her new tiny apartment (she lives in the interior of our province but rents a place in the city during the winter) the kids had nothing much to do, so she pulled out a few pens and some paper. The children happily amused themselves drawing pictures, somehow working a storyline into their drawings which they then played out by drawing on each others’ pictures, thus expanding the storyline and bringing each other’s creative energy into the activity. Once again, these are the sorts of things that traditional educational methods tend to overlook as learning moments, but by paying attention to what the kids do and how they do it, I find learning is everywhere and in everything they do.